I’m working on a scene for my beach cozy mystery. It could be a short scene, indicating Sam’s desperation, or one that continues at the POV (point of view) character’s workplace (real estate office for Mary, hardware store for Sam). Which is better?
Mary’s point of view
“I’ve got to see you.” Sam was being as insistent as he could, considering he had to keep his voice down so customers in his hardware shop couldn’t hear.
“I’ve told you not to call me at work,” hissed Mary Gunter. There was no one in the office at the moment, but a wealthy widow was expected at eleven. Sam’s voice sounded desperate.
“Lunch? Please?”
“Not a chance. I have a meeting.” She thought for a moment. Sam Struthers was a nice guy, but mostly he did nice things to her that she liked. She wondered where they could go in the middle of the day. The parking garage under the bank? No, she’d ruined her shoes last time . . .
“Tonight, then. At the beach.” She could hear the tension in his voice. Well, if he wanted her that badly . . .
“All right. After midnight, though. I’ll meet you there.”
Sam’s point of view
“I’ve got to see you.” Sam was being as insistent as he could, considering he had to keep his voice down so customers in his hardware shop couldn’t hear.
“I’ve told you not to call me at work,” hissed Mary Gunter. She must have a customer in the office, thought Sam.
“Lunch? Please?”
“Not a chance. I have a meeting.”
Sam switched tactics. “I want you,” he said, his voice deep and husky. He heard her intake of breath, and felt bad. This wasn’t about sex, but he had to talk with her. She must be imagining they would meet in the parking lot under the bank again so he could drive her insane. Let her think that.
“Tonight, then. At the beach.” Her voice was low and silky.
“All right. After midnight, though. I’ll meet you there.”